Number three on list is trespassing. A problem acknowledged by all those who call the pot their home, the crossing of zones has continued unabated. This is in spite of a number of awareness initiatives started by management, billboards and even a catchy jingle by Mariah "Stay in your demarcated areas baby, moving out of your zone is negative baby" (which went plant-platinum).
An effective solution has not been devised as yet, although forced removals and/or public floggings are thought to been the two most popular suggestions.
Number two on the list, and evermore serious, is theft. It has been reported that some inhabitants are exceeding their daily allotted nutrient allowance (DANA) and committing these crimes by stealing the nutrients of others. It has been even more reported that some plants have developed an intricate system of underground nutrient sapping pipes, which are being dubbed 'roots' by the media. These 'roots' are often very deep under the soil (undetectable from the on-ground patrols), and contain many offshoots from the main root (scientifically, 'the daddy root'), making extraction of the whole system particularly difficult. These are however at the moment only wild, unconfirmed allegations, and the existence of such technology, has yet to be established.
The most alarming statistic, and the most perpetrated crime in the plantopolis is strangulation. The violent nature of this crime and the devastating consequences it has had on the population is glaring for all too see. Management has even gone so far as to concede this to be 'bigger than Bieber' and has taken swift action as a result. The once glorious parsley empire has been the target of these crimes, with some turning on their own. Those that could not get high enough to get the sun started withering and instead of dying with grace and jumping off the side of the pot, they decided to take the others with them. A motive has not been established, but many think that pepper's jealousy had something to do with it. Pepper and parsley never go together. Herbs were tangled and mangled and the dying began constricting the others.
This could not be left to continue and in a show of force, management passed Ordinance 34 - permitting the excavation of all troublesome herb-folk. Enforcement began at 09:00 on a day that would be forever known as the 'big prune'. While unpopular, this had to be done to ensure the plant's survival. Sure there were protests and scuffels, handbags were thrown and videos were taken and posted on the internet. Overall however, the operation was a success. 43% of the initial parsley empire was removed and its mark is glaring (people are talking about a monument). But now those that survived the pruning have space to grow and hopefully soon I'll be able to harvest some damn herbs.
At the moment, the situation has calmed down. The feeling on the ground is somewhat nervous though, but as must be done, one must adapt, move on and flourish.
No comments:
Post a Comment